Lezioni di Aragosta

Mi lamento, ‘’Perché la mia aragosta è piccola e puzza terribilmente? Guarda le altre aragoste vicino a noi ! Sono di un colore rosso sangue!’’ La mia commensale mi dice che il loro prezzo è identico. ‘’Davvero? Non è giusto! Vediamo,’’rispondendo, tendo la mano è afferro un’aragosta.

Libby the lobster: Eh, uncle! Don’t touch me lah!

Sciocato, dico: Scusi, uncle?! Non ti conosco. Deve rivolgersi a me con ‘’dottore!’’

Libby: Doctor? Why so formal? This is Singapore lah. Here, we call you uncle because we respect you, and we are friendly and casual, you know. We respect the older people by calling them uncle. You don’t like the lobster you just ate? You must have chosen a male one. We female lobsters are better, because we have more meat, and are tastier. Lobsters have a long life too, and we do not die of old age. I am already 50 years old – so you can call me Auntie Libby lah!’’

Piergirogio : ‘’Più di carne? Ma non è troppo grassa!’’

Libby: Mr Uncle-doctor, ascolta: bigger does not mean better, sai? Just like Singaporean girls lah – they are petite, but they are hot, hot, hot! The bigger a lobster is, the tougher the meat when cooked, capisci?

Piergiorgio: Senta, i suoi accompagnatori sono rossi e in forma, ma è verde!

Libby: Ah, now see who is more rude – are you saying I don’t look nice and healthy? Eh, I am not green with sickness, OK! Lobsters are usually black or green and only turn bright red after they are cooked, like my poor friends here. But I am still alive and kicking, and talking to an Italian ‘’dottore’’, can’t you see?

Piergiorgio: Alora, un’aragosta tipica misura quanto centimetro?

Libby: Between 25 and 50 cm. And I am 35 cm – well within the BMI, ha ha!

Piergiorgio: Ah, mi ricordo, le donne a Singapore si preoccupano del peso, sempre. Sono a dieta ogni giorno.

Libby: Uncle, we may be fashionably slim, and a lovely red when cooked, but do you know our blood is blue, like snails and spiders?

Piergiorgio: Come mai ?!

Libby: The haemocyanin in our blood makes it blue, and it contains copper, which is good for your health! And the blue keeps us cool, which is why we do not scream when we are boiled.

Piergiorgio: Non te lo credo. Sempre, ho sentito dello scrillo quando il cuoco bolle un’ aragosta.

Libby: No lah, uncle! It’s the whistling sound made by the steam that escapes from our shell.

Piergiorgio: Interessante! Dunque, ha una ricetta Singaporiana per cucinare l’aragosta?

Libby: Hmmm. The French cook with their senses, the Italians with their hearts, the Spanish with energy, the Germans with their appetite. But the Singaporeans cook with…chilli padi!

Piergiorgio: Con cosa??

Libby: Peperoncino lah! I am stuck here in this restaurant and can’t show you. Why don’t you go to this shop at the Braddell View Condominium, and buy the chilli padi from the friendly auntie there? She will give you a good discount, and even teach you how to cook it lah!