It is not Funny
This morning at about 4.30 am I was woken up by throbbing pains in my left eye. I blinked and blinked, hoping it was just ‘’tired eyes and lack of sleep’’ as usual, but the pain got worse, like someone jabbing at it. I started to tear badly.
By 4.45 am I got up to take two ‘’extra-strength’’ Panadols. The tears were like waterfall and I started to have running nose too. I got really worried and decided, after much internal debate, to call the emergency hour number of Dr Jerry Tan, my lasik eye surgeon, to make an appointment.
The sleepy girl at the other end said unhelpfully, after I explained my predicament, that ‘’this is a paging service’’, not an appointment number. I sheepishly hung up.
By 5.00 am I decided to ‘’page’’ for Dr Tan and managed to get the sleepy girl to do so. No reply. I rang again. She said she would try again. No reply, again. By 5.45 am I rang a fourth time, after spending the last 45 minutes trying to meditate, keep calm, sit up in bed, try lying down in different positions, apply Origins ‘’peace of mind’’ soothing cream and eye drops, kneel down to pray twice, sms to friends – all to distract myself from the pain, discomfort and fear. This time she was not only curt but impatient, though she tried to sound more helpful by saying she would ‘’try again’’.
All this while I hated myself for being ‘’too calm’’ and for being ‘’too strong’’. If I had sounded panicky or yelled at her she might have tried harder. The stronger and calmer I am, the weirder ‘’janet loh’’ situations I tend to encounter. I hated myself for not being able to cry and look the damsel in distress. The braver I am, the more people think I am indestructible (yes, it has been said ‘’admiringly’’ by a few guys).
Many thoughts raced through my mind. I even hated being ‘’so special’’. To hell with my funny escapades and so-called ‘’great writing skills’’ (again, to quote many ‘’admirers/ flatterers’’). I don’t care about living to tell them and being able to write them down for all to read, or to ‘’satisfy’’ friend’s requests, ‘’do send me your funny stories’’.
It is not funny to be woken up at 4.30 am with pain in the eye. It is not funny to be suffering from some potential unexplained complications of my lasik surgery, done more than a year ago.
Why can’t I just be like Dr Tan’s thousands of ordinary patients with no complications? After all, the night before, there had been nothing unusual, I had not rubbed my eyes hard, and I had not over-exerted/ stressed myself - in exercise, constipation or strenuous work or sex. (Yes, once my eye doctor had attributed the burst blood vessels in my eyes to ‘’over-exertion and strain’’ – in many potential – and embarrassing – situations)
Why can’t I just be an ordinary person – work simple office hours, have simple pleasures and hobbies, and sleep peacefully at night? And if I do wake up in the middle of the night, why can’t it be due to ordinary everyday woes like my son’s fever, or my daughter’s cough?
Well, Dr Tan finally did return my call at 6.00 am. The first thing he said was, ‘’your lasik was not done by me, was it?’’
We spoke for a short while. By then my eye was swollen, bloodshot, gushing and hardly open. But the fact that I sounded so calm and that I had not gone blind or mad by then must have assured him that it was not serious enough to warrant immediate attention. He told me to be at his clinic by 8.30 am when it opens.
Now, this is funny though: there was a slip of paper at the reception to say that I was to be given the first appointment at 8.30 am. But I got to see him only at about 9.35 am. There were other routine, non-emergency cases before me.
Ok, Ok, there was one woman tearing away too and it looked like an emergency, but then she had the advantage of her partner speaking on her behalf to the staff (two mouths are better than one) and the loving caress of a loved one to sooth her brows and cheeks while she shed tears in his arms.
Ok, Ok, no doubt, the nurse did ask if I was still in pain and if I had stopped tearing. I should have been less stoic and exaggerated my pain; instead, I was too calm and looked less frail than the other tearing woman in someone’s arms. So, they must have thought I was ‘’strong’’ and could wait.
Someone checked my eyesight in the meantime. I told him I was in pain and was here to treat it, not to test my vision. But he told me it was ‘’doctor’s orders to see if your vision is affected’’. After making me read rows and rows of tiny letters of the alphabet he was so happy to pronounce, ‘’your vision is excellent, like the last check up’’. But your eye is a bit red, he added. ‘’That’s because it is painful and I had to speak to Dr Tan this morning at 6.00 am!’’, I replied. He obviously didn’t ‘’get it’’ when I first explained!
After Dr Tan’s examination, he said I had pink eye.
‘’Huh? What is that?’’ I asked. ‘’Sore eyes’’, he explained. I was speechless. ‘’You don’t know? It’s called hong yan in Chinese. Infection, ‘’ he continued after my dumbfounded silence. After what I had gone through, I expected something worse – torn retina, crinkled cornea, janet-loh-type eyeball cancer, whatever! Sure, I should be grateful it was nothing more serious, ‘’but sore eye that is so painful and at 4.30 am?’’ I stuttered.
‘’Ha ha, sore eyes can happen any time. It is like the flu. Anyone can get it. It might get worse later and might spread to the other eye. It might give you sore throat later.’’
‘’But but…’’ I was still in disbelief. I told him everything was normal yesterday, bla… And he continued, ‘’you can’t tell, it is very contagious. And there is an epidemic in Singapore now.’’
Then he proceeded to check my eye pressure (to make sure I don’t have glaucoma) and to explain what eye drops he would give me. He wanted me to go back for follow up in two days’ time. His assistant joked, ‘’ we hate you now’’ – they have to stop using the consultation room we were using, so as not to infect the other patients.
And I was told not to share items, spread to people at crowded places, sit far away from other patients at the waiting area, and ‘’if you exercise, don’t go to the gym – go to the botanic gardens – got a lot of fresh air’’, said Dr Tan.
‘’And if you don’t like anyone, just give him a kiss, ha ha’’ – he said by way of ending the consultation session.
By 4.45 am I got up to take two ‘’extra-strength’’ Panadols. The tears were like waterfall and I started to have running nose too. I got really worried and decided, after much internal debate, to call the emergency hour number of Dr Jerry Tan, my lasik eye surgeon, to make an appointment.
The sleepy girl at the other end said unhelpfully, after I explained my predicament, that ‘’this is a paging service’’, not an appointment number. I sheepishly hung up.
By 5.00 am I decided to ‘’page’’ for Dr Tan and managed to get the sleepy girl to do so. No reply. I rang again. She said she would try again. No reply, again. By 5.45 am I rang a fourth time, after spending the last 45 minutes trying to meditate, keep calm, sit up in bed, try lying down in different positions, apply Origins ‘’peace of mind’’ soothing cream and eye drops, kneel down to pray twice, sms to friends – all to distract myself from the pain, discomfort and fear. This time she was not only curt but impatient, though she tried to sound more helpful by saying she would ‘’try again’’.
All this while I hated myself for being ‘’too calm’’ and for being ‘’too strong’’. If I had sounded panicky or yelled at her she might have tried harder. The stronger and calmer I am, the weirder ‘’janet loh’’ situations I tend to encounter. I hated myself for not being able to cry and look the damsel in distress. The braver I am, the more people think I am indestructible (yes, it has been said ‘’admiringly’’ by a few guys).
Many thoughts raced through my mind. I even hated being ‘’so special’’. To hell with my funny escapades and so-called ‘’great writing skills’’ (again, to quote many ‘’admirers/ flatterers’’). I don’t care about living to tell them and being able to write them down for all to read, or to ‘’satisfy’’ friend’s requests, ‘’do send me your funny stories’’.
It is not funny to be woken up at 4.30 am with pain in the eye. It is not funny to be suffering from some potential unexplained complications of my lasik surgery, done more than a year ago.
Why can’t I just be like Dr Tan’s thousands of ordinary patients with no complications? After all, the night before, there had been nothing unusual, I had not rubbed my eyes hard, and I had not over-exerted/ stressed myself - in exercise, constipation or strenuous work or sex. (Yes, once my eye doctor had attributed the burst blood vessels in my eyes to ‘’over-exertion and strain’’ – in many potential – and embarrassing – situations)
Why can’t I just be an ordinary person – work simple office hours, have simple pleasures and hobbies, and sleep peacefully at night? And if I do wake up in the middle of the night, why can’t it be due to ordinary everyday woes like my son’s fever, or my daughter’s cough?
Well, Dr Tan finally did return my call at 6.00 am. The first thing he said was, ‘’your lasik was not done by me, was it?’’
We spoke for a short while. By then my eye was swollen, bloodshot, gushing and hardly open. But the fact that I sounded so calm and that I had not gone blind or mad by then must have assured him that it was not serious enough to warrant immediate attention. He told me to be at his clinic by 8.30 am when it opens.
Now, this is funny though: there was a slip of paper at the reception to say that I was to be given the first appointment at 8.30 am. But I got to see him only at about 9.35 am. There were other routine, non-emergency cases before me.
Ok, Ok, there was one woman tearing away too and it looked like an emergency, but then she had the advantage of her partner speaking on her behalf to the staff (two mouths are better than one) and the loving caress of a loved one to sooth her brows and cheeks while she shed tears in his arms.
Ok, Ok, no doubt, the nurse did ask if I was still in pain and if I had stopped tearing. I should have been less stoic and exaggerated my pain; instead, I was too calm and looked less frail than the other tearing woman in someone’s arms. So, they must have thought I was ‘’strong’’ and could wait.
Someone checked my eyesight in the meantime. I told him I was in pain and was here to treat it, not to test my vision. But he told me it was ‘’doctor’s orders to see if your vision is affected’’. After making me read rows and rows of tiny letters of the alphabet he was so happy to pronounce, ‘’your vision is excellent, like the last check up’’. But your eye is a bit red, he added. ‘’That’s because it is painful and I had to speak to Dr Tan this morning at 6.00 am!’’, I replied. He obviously didn’t ‘’get it’’ when I first explained!
After Dr Tan’s examination, he said I had pink eye.
‘’Huh? What is that?’’ I asked. ‘’Sore eyes’’, he explained. I was speechless. ‘’You don’t know? It’s called hong yan in Chinese. Infection, ‘’ he continued after my dumbfounded silence. After what I had gone through, I expected something worse – torn retina, crinkled cornea, janet-loh-type eyeball cancer, whatever! Sure, I should be grateful it was nothing more serious, ‘’but sore eye that is so painful and at 4.30 am?’’ I stuttered.
‘’Ha ha, sore eyes can happen any time. It is like the flu. Anyone can get it. It might get worse later and might spread to the other eye. It might give you sore throat later.’’
‘’But but…’’ I was still in disbelief. I told him everything was normal yesterday, bla… And he continued, ‘’you can’t tell, it is very contagious. And there is an epidemic in Singapore now.’’
Then he proceeded to check my eye pressure (to make sure I don’t have glaucoma) and to explain what eye drops he would give me. He wanted me to go back for follow up in two days’ time. His assistant joked, ‘’ we hate you now’’ – they have to stop using the consultation room we were using, so as not to infect the other patients.
And I was told not to share items, spread to people at crowded places, sit far away from other patients at the waiting area, and ‘’if you exercise, don’t go to the gym – go to the botanic gardens – got a lot of fresh air’’, said Dr Tan.
‘’And if you don’t like anyone, just give him a kiss, ha ha’’ – he said by way of ending the consultation session.
posted by "Jenny" | 8:51 PM
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